Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
