have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
