Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
