only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
