My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
