call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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