I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
