I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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