It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
