next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
