I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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