Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
