He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
