he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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