I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
