I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
