Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
