why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize