I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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