I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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