Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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