just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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