So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
