I will die if light touches me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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