Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
