jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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