we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
