If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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