we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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