My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
