Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
