so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
