I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
