Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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