also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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