The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
