apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
