The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
