Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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