It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
