just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
