and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
