and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
