I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize