I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
