if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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