I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
