Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
