I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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