U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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