Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
