you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
