Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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