I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
