Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the day after is always just damage control
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
