Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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