I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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