I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
