Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
