i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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