Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
