Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize