What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
