I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
