Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
