Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When are your genitals available?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
