I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So vagazzling was a success
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
